I went running today.
For the past 2 or 3 months I have been thinking about resuming training in an attempt to complete an Ironman triathlon. Today might have been my first running step towards my new goal.
Much has happened since July when I took a hiatus from hard run training to become a gay man and have some fun. I have met a man and am experiencing my first foray into boyfriendom. I worked very hard to go in the absolute opposite direction of all I have done before and have really enjoyed it. The call of hurt has come back though and I want to work towards a goal again.
I would like to write that I have missed training but that would be a lie. I have experienced a freedom in the last 10 months that I have never had before. Although I do continue to workout at least 5 days a week I do not actually have to workout 5 days a week. If I am tired or someone suggests something more fun to do then I will not workout. If I want to go to a concert on a Thursday night I go. If there is a hot after hours party on a Friday night I go, and manage to get home at the time I would have been heading to workout. It is a glorious feeling to arrive home from a wild night of gayness while everyone else is getting up for the morning.
I know the pain and exhaustion of training and this makes me nervous for the future. Ironman is a totally different beast of an event than what I have trained for before. I will be completing up to 16 workouts a week at my peak training. I will have to spend a lot of money for the basic equipment I need to compete. I will have to swallow my pride in knowing that I will not be at the front of the pack. My life will become triathlon for the next year and a half.
I have also tasted the world of the normal gay person and it can taste pretty nice. Gaining weight has been fantastic and the reaction I get when I go out is profoundly different. I even get checked out at the gym! I also have a boyfriend now who is not an athlete. He knows I was once an athlete but will he be able to handle me when I am freaking out about missing a workout? Will he want to be with me when I lose my appetite and lose too much weight? Will he understand when he sees me cry for the first time because of a bad workout or a terrible race?
For the next 4 months I intend to play tennis and begin to build a base in swimming, cycling and running. I do not want to lose weight or any of the muscle I have worked hard to build (this is going to be a big challenge, I think about running and I lose weight...). In the fall I will begin workouts mostly focusing on swimming and cycling. In the new year I hope to begin hard run training again to complete the picture. I will race again in the spring and hopefully get a spot in Ironman Canada.
I have a lot of work in front of me. The biggest task will be to maintain at least some sort of balance between the athlete me and the gay me. I'm getting back into the game and I am pretty excited!