I have a lot of energy at baseline. I find it hard to focus and I am normally a bit jittery. I find it very difficult to sit in one place for an extended period of time. Running was a type of medication that calmed me and filled me with an exhaustion that allowed me to focus. With that sedative effect gone I am going madly off in all directions.
To match my energy I also have a good basket of interests. This fall I have reignited my relationship with tennis and I am very much looking forward to getting on the snow (I am wearing my new downhill ski boots as I write this). I find my days filled with sport and activity with my evenings filled with friends and fun. I have the energy to be active during the day and then go out at night. This is a revelation.
What I am finding interesting and exciting is my lack of desire to run or race. Let me explain. Deciding to stop training is very scary. The years of work to get fit can be lost in a month of a sedentary lifestyle. When I decided to stop training I was worried that I would miss running and racing once I had lost my fitness. I have lost my fitness and I have also gained a bit of weight and I have no desire to race. Even though cross country season has started I do not want to lace up some spikes to hit the grass. I am excited to have some other distractions!
It is hard to imagine, when totally engulfed in a passion, a time when that drive will not be present. I can recall laying in bed at night during university and thinking that there will never be a time when I will not compete as a runner. I had visions of running as a masters runner and training into my 40s. As one passion has lost its hold over me I am content to let it go. I am actually starting to revel in my new found freedom from heavy training. I was able to stay up until 2 am on Saturday morning without having to worry about negatively impacting my workout Saturday morning. I constantly have to remind myself that I do not have to go to bed early because I am not going to get up and train in the morning. With my passion for running on hold I wonder if the same works for crushes and love.
I believe that all passions wane. My last post was about a crush I had this summer. As the days go by with no contact and not seeing him my perspective on the situation changes. A friend of mine asked me about this gentleman and I had no idea who he was talking about. The name no longer registered as related to a crush. I can look back on the event as exciting and filled with potential yet in the past. Despite a promise made I am doubtful to hear from my crush, and I am fine with that.
In line with getting over a crush I have stopped dating and have ended my relationship with electronic dating aids. I could write a blog solely based on my bad dating experiences through electronic means. I generally find this process demoralizing, degrading and generally awful. Experience gained so long as I can remember this in 6 months when I am still single and lonely and I go through the whole process again.
Looking forward I am back with my swim club and I am excited to be training in the pool. I am doing quite a bit of weights and I'm really looking forward to ski season. Running is on the back burner and if I can get out a couple times a week I am satisfied. I may increase the times I run during the week but this will depend on the other activities I am doing. I am mostly looking forward to skiing!