Already I am starting to get smaller.
Although I have only been back to running for a few weeks I am already starting to slim down. My natural body type, little, is not in favor of gaining muscle. I have been diligently going to the gym lifting weights and eating as much protein as I can cram into my stuffed body. I have been trying to eat as much as possible and yet I am getting smaller. I am a natural born endurance athlete.
I was at the Levis store on Saturday to buy a pair of skinny black jeans. I was looking at a pair on the rack and thought there was no way anyone could fit into such a little pair of jeans let alone me with my 'big' runner legs. With the encouragement of the sales representative I took a pair of skinny jeans into the change room anticipating a squeeze into these trendy gems. Much to my chagrin the skinniest jeans in the store left my legs with ample room to breathe, they were almost loose.
I have always been bottom heavy. Bigger legs and bum with tiny bird arms and a big rib cage. As I have been doing weights my body proportions are changing. On the good side my body is becoming more becoming. The shape is becoming more aesthetically pleasing in the cultural sense, bigger shoulders with a small bum but overall I think I am getting smaller all of the sudden. I am getting ripped but at the cost of general size. I just cannot seem to gain weight.
With a few added running workouts a week I am burning more calories than I can consume. The muscle I have added is increasing my basal metabolic rate meaning to maintain the slight gains I have made I need to eat even more. Short of eating peanut butter by spoon from the jar I am pretty much hooped. And I am getting tired of eating.
Through this whole process I am learning a great deal about myself and my body. First, this body was meant to run. Second, I have severe body dysmorphia. I totally thought my legs were huge but when I actually measured them they are a mere 2 inches smaller than my arms (comparing circumference of biceps and calve). I know my arms are small so my legs must be comparatively smaller. Third, I am always going to be small unless I stop any sort of cardiovascular activity which I am not willing to do. The conclusion, I need to do what I love and give a fuck to whatever else.
I am going to be lean and small but I will own this. The current fashion trend calls for lean and skinny people to slip into clinging and slim styles. This is a trend that I both love and can wear without trouble. The great thing about being small is that I can manage to look good in most clothes. With my slight weight gain I am almost fitting most of my shirts and I think I can fit into a small instead of extra small. I am no longer always extra small. That is a minor accomplishment.
Running continues to go well. I ran a 10 mile long run on Sunday morning without much distress. I had a great cross country ski on Monday night and tonight I ran a slow tempo with chin-ups and weights. I can feel the extra training in my body as I am a bit more tired than usual but it feels good.
I am extremely happy to report that my injury is doing very well. Both my feet are pain free and I am not even limping in the morning. I can walk and run without any foot pain which is a huge relief.
Looking forward, as I have a habit of doing, I am going to continue to lift weights to maintain my gains so I do not look skeletal this summer. I want to be lean and ripped and fast. I want to get into intervals soon as I am in need of some intensity to moderate my easy runs. I am also going to keep hitting the snow as much as possible to engage my cardiovascular system and improve my strength. This weekend I am hitting the snow of the interior on a semiannual gay ski weekend.