We are constantly compensating for our own weaknesses.
After months and months of right foot pain I now have left hip pain. Throbbing, aching left hip pain. When one part of the body gets injured it is usually a matter of time before other parts start to fall apart. My guarding of my right foot had led to a hip imbalance and I have bilateral pain.
I am now getting frustrated. I do not necessarily want to be training again but I would like to be able to walk and live pain free. I would also like to be able to run for a while without spending the night and next day limping. I want to be better. I also wonder where the drive to train came from. What made me punish and injure my body the way I have?
Our personalities are interesting things. I am an achiever. I like to accomplish things. When I was growing up I was praised for doing things well. Whether it was skiing fast, winning trophies or doing well in school I garnered praise from accomplishments. Being valued for what was done well created motivation to not only do better but also show others what I had done. I am wondering what it would be like to be valued for just being.
What I am learning is that in the relationships that have meaning in my life the people around me value me for being me. They do not care that I have a certain amount of body fat or that I ran a certain time in a certain race. My friends value some of my core features that are not reliant on crossing a finish line or earning a certain thing. I now have to learn to value myself for just being me. I need to continue to strive to be the best I can be but not love myself merely because I have crossed another goal off of my list.
As well as learning to love myself for being me I need to learn to appreciate others for their core values rather than a list of requirements I have in my head. When I think of the relationships I have in my life I am comforted in knowing that I love my friends because they are amazing people with huge hearts and wise souls. I need to accept myself like I accept others.
It is a process and I am on my way. I just need to keep forging the path.
And I hope everyone who is running in Victoria has a great race this weekend. Have fun and run hard!
Growth is hard.