Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Shallow End

I have found my self in the shallow end.

When I was somewhere around 20 years of age I was feeling a bit lost and misdirected. I made a pact with myself to try to be a better person and effect positive change in this world. I enrolled in university and worked hard to develop a career in a field that would enable me to improve the lives of others. I surrounded myself with friends and individuals who I could learn from and who have shown me how to live one's life. The thing is, I have been fighting my true self.

If I am going to be honest and address my true self I must admit a few things. I am shallow, elitist and judgmental. I attempt to look on the bright side but in reality I am pessimistic. I like to be alone and I find most people really annoying. I hate fat and I wish I was truly handsome. I judge books by their cover. I am actually very lazy and only like to hang out with rich people.

This is my true self. A shallow, horrible person.

I think it is time for me to throw the positive attitude and work ethic out the window and be who I really am. I am going to hit the gym to get buff. I will no longer talk to people with more than 12 % body fat and I will only date super studs. I will no longer entertain the thought of dating anyone without a 6 figure income or at least some sort of inheritance in the future. I am going to quit my helping career and find a profession that will enable me to take from the poor in order to become one of the rich.

Is accepting your true self good if it makes you a total dick?

Much of the writing in the world regarding finding your true self rests on the assumption that people are inherently good. What happens when the true self is an asshole? An anonymous commenter felt I have a big ego. I do have a big ego and that comment enabled me to identify this personality trait. I am fucking awesome and you suck. This is my true and authentic self and I have finally accepted that. Good thing?

The problem with much self help and therapy is that it is based on someone's opinion of something that happened that may have been good. Are people actually happier when they are forced to address the ugly picture of who they might actually be? What is used to evaluate the utility of therapies and techniques? How do people measure self? What is the evidence?

I have asked a lot of questions on this post because I do not know the answers. I have not done much research into this area of self help secondary to headaches from eye rolling when reading the books. One of these books posits that one is not ready to address their true self until they can finally read the whole book.

As I could not get through the book I will will have to go back to living as my inauthentic self. I guess I will continue treating others as I would like to be treated. I will continue treating others with respect. I will continue to hold myself to a higher standard then I hold others. I will mind the environment and continue to try and find a capacity in this world which will enable me to effect positive change. I will work hard and attempt to not judge others based on outward appearance, socioeconomic status or athletic performance.

The authentic self. A good thing?

Happy Living!


  1. J. D., I don't think you give yourself enough credit. If every one of us digs down deep, we are all as judgmental, as shallow, and as contemptible as you purport to be. You haven't cornered the market on all the very best traits attributable to the human being. Believe me, I have some doozies, too.

    But where do you think you're going to get if you give in into your base nature? Not far, believe me. The significant difference between the human species and all the others is our ability to be civil to one another, to "make nice," even though we may not want to. Are you not being your true self when you try to get along with everyone else? I hope so.

    I don't believe it's compromising yourself to behave with civility. I don't believe it's not our nature to aspire to be all the things most human beings hold in high esteem, such as respectful, honorable, loving, etc. But I do believe the source of all these is loving yourself. When you respect, honor, and love yourself, you will have them in spades for others as well.

  2. LOL! Good rant and good for you for puting it out there. However, let's get out of the shallow end for a moment and into a deeper dive. You think, feel, observe, critique and publish. All good. keeps me coming back. As far as being alone, nope, remember you hosted a gathering of friends recently at your home, that is not alone? You are indeed very handsome, why question that? The evidence of true self is exactly what you are doing, questioning, challenging and provoking. Now I must go and check my body fat, as I believe I am up to 15% this week. I will call my accountant to check on the trust fund balance after that. Keep writing! ChristopherYVR