I had my last workout before Sun Run tonight and I wish I could report a good run. It was a bit flat.
I have not cut back on my running as much as I typically do during a taper. I have been feeling a bit lethargic lately but I will blame that on work starting to catch up with me. It is very tiring to train and work full time in a 'caring' profession. Tonight I was hoping for a short quick workout. What I got was one longer interval.
I felt alright during the interval but not great. It was almost like I could not get going. I was warm at the start but still felt a bit cold while running. It was not like I was running slow, it was that I did not feel like I was running as slow as I was. I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed with this workout. I do not feel that sharp at the moment. Maybe tomorrow's day off will give me a bit more pep.
I think there is something wrong with me. I have commented before that I am like man DEET. I often times feel like there is some invisible film on me that steers gay men away before they get a chance to meet me. Of course some men are less sensitive to this DEET so they do not get repelled until after being in closer contact with me, like across a table. It is getting bad, really bad. This man DEET is starting to work over electronic media. I can scare a man away with a mere 'hello'.
It is depressing to think of all the men I have repelled and it just keeps getting worse. At this point I cannot even manage to have random anonymous sex with someone. It is almost comical to think of the lengths I have gone through to meet people and the sad results of the ventures.
To add insult to injury my once stellar Gaydar is totally broken. I was always proud of my perfect gaydar. I used to be able to tell a guy was gay before he even came out of the closet. Now I am all fucked up. I cannot even guess who is gay or straight. People who I swore were gay and was certain were gay are turning out to be straight. I almost asked someone at work how his boyfriend was doing when he started talking about his wife. I am feeling totally lost.
I think I will round up some trusted friends and see what is wrong with me.
Gosh I hope I run well this weekend, I need something to hold onto.