Once and a while I have a bad day. Today, upon reflection, would qualify as one of those days.
My morning at work was a nightmare, I have a temporary crown that looks like I have a chunk of gross plastic where my tooth should be and for some reason I am feeling a bit down about my chronic bachelor status. When I hit the Seawall for my tempo run I was tight and very frustrated. I ruminated for the first 10 minutes of my warm up before realizing that I was wound as tight as a drum. I took a couple of big inhales and relaxed into my stride.
The tempo itself was for the most part unremarkable. I feel totally healthy for the first time in 6 or 7 weeks, except for my 'moving' back. I guess the good thing about my frustration was that I did not think much about running as I was too distracted by everything else going on in my life. The last 15 minutes of the tempo were free of ruminating thoughts and I was able to focus on my stride and staying strong and quick. I had to repeatedly convince myself to relax my traps and shoulders in the last section as I could continually find my shoulders getting close to my ears. By the time I got home from my run I was feeling a bit better after the frustration of my day.
For some reason I have been thinking about my singleton status today. It has been a while since I have thought about having a boyfriend. Let me rephrase. It has been a while since I have lamented having a boyfriend. When I realized back in the fall that I belong in the lower part of the bell curve of those who may never fall in love or ever have a boyfriend I was disappointed and mourned the loss of the dream. It took a while but I got over the regret and began 2010 with a new attitude and a positive outlook. I still have this outlook and I have a lot of excitement in the next few months. The thing is, I still do not have anyone to share this excitement with.
As the months go by and I move forward as a confirmed bachelor I feel a distance growing between me and the romantic world. I used to feel a sense of jealousy or anger at those who blatantly showed their love and affection for each other. Now I do not care. I think it is tacky but that is more of a class thing. I almost feel that I am repulsing men at this point or that there is some sort of boyfriend repellent on me, possibly some sort of man deet. It is entirely exhausting to have expectations dashed repeatedly and for a while I was doing well with it. Now I am starting to feel a bit like garbage not even worth the trip to the thrift store or the click of the mouse. I am so far removed from the romantic world that I am afraid the stench of the garbage must ruin every opportunity for romance anyways. I guess in the end, knowing or understanding the possibility of never having a boyfriend or falling in love does not make one not long for that reality sometimes.
I am practical though. If I am not going to fall in love then I might as well fall into a fiscally beneficial relationship with a gay man who is not overly disgusting. What I am suggesting is finding someone who has a bit of money who is into financing some training camps somewhere warm. Think of the money I would save and the fast times I would run. I guess one could call it a type of sponsorship. Of course there will be a direct relationship between level of grossness and income. As the grossness level climbs the income needs to climb too. Age may be a confounding variable. Rich, old and gross may be difficult. Rich, old, gross and terminally ill may be a jackpot. If I am not going to be happily in love then it ought to be my mission to make my dying husband's last days the most glorious he has ever known. May he walk towards the light in my arms. Ka Ching!
Tomorrow easy run and a trip to the gym. Gotta continue to work on the bait! In the meantime I start taking applications for rich husbands. You know the address.