I am really starting to wonder why I train.
Three days back into consistent training and I am totally exhausted. Not only am I exhausted but I am also on the downswing of my great mood and optimism of the weekend. I am beginning to wonder why running is taking so much energy and making me so flat.
Today I ran a tempo and it was brutal. I ran 30 minutes at tempo pace and I felt sluggish, fat and slow. The first 20 minutes were a battle to continue. The last 10 minutes were somewhat improved and I began to have some good thoughts and positive energy driving me forward. I finished my tempo with 45 seconds on the Seawall. There were only two good aspects of my tempo today one of which is that it is over and I can now move forward. The second is I found a beach glass beach. I will not reveal where this is as I have a penchant for beach glass. I hope to use this glass to do some decoration. Even my cool down felt like shit. I was happy to make it home in one piece.
Once I got home I had a quick bite to eat and then fell asleep. I woke with a start as I realized I had to be at the pool within moments. I swam tonight and it was satisfactory. I survived, that is it.
I am really tired. Really tired. Exhausted. The thought of going to work tomorrow is frightening. I do not like feeling like this yet when I do not feel like this I crave it. Training kills me and then I run really fast and I am happy. I love being fit but hate the work it takes to get there. I am pissed off I got injured and then even more pissed off I got sick. The problem is that I felt radiant when I was rested. Now I feel like I have been dumpster diving all night and I do not look much better. Today at the dentist office the receptionist asked me if I hit my eye as she comment it looked bruised. "No, I am just really tired" was my response. Great, not only do I feel like shit but I look like shit too.
I am going to go to bed at my usual time somewhere between 9 and 10 and hope to wake up tomorrow feeling somewhat better. I am afraid I cannot keep up this pace much longer. It may be time for some serious self reflection and a look at what my priorities really are.