Sunday, February 28, 2010

Now What?

The Olympics are over and I have a little injury. Now what am I supposed to do?

I have been nursing a bit of a knee injury over the past week. It is not really a knee issue as much as a hamstring issue. I guess with my increase in mileage and my continued fast speed work my body had revolted a bit. The injury does not prevent me from running but it could if I push it too hard. Yesterday I ran 2/3 of my workout with VFAC. We ran 3 km, 2 km, 2km. I did the first two sections. Although I felt like dirt after a week of horrible running and little sleep I managed to run fast. Just as fast as last weekend's best ever workout. Towards the end of my second interval (the last 800 meters to be precise) I felt pulling and pain at the back of my knee. I wanted to finish the interval as I was fast and finally feeling good after a gross first interval. Once through the finish I stopped to catch my breath, with my first stride of my recovery I knew I was done running for the weekend.

My run home was painful and a bit disappointing. I had rested all last week and I really believed my body would have responded and recovered. I wanted to see if I could push my body yesterday and it almost made it, but not quite. What I can take from this is that I am getting older and I do not heal like I used to. I need to protect and ice and get back into massage treatments. I did not even attempt to run today but instead I slept in and made a big batch of waffles for breakfast. I also made a trip to the gym to make some muscle. I am still very single and thus need to get some attractiveness going. I iced my sore leg all night so I am hoping to get a run in tomorrow!

I do not know what this slight injury means for my marathon preparation. I have missed 2 long runs and a long tempo and a couple of workouts. I know I am fit and strong but unsure of when that fitness will start to wain. I have also lost the rhythm of training that takes a long time to secure. I am now lacking a bit of motivation to put in the miles to get back to that comfort zone I only achieved for a very short time. I am dreading my first long tempo and long run although I am still looking forward to my fast workouts. Maybe I am not meant to run the marathon...

I think my inability to run a full workout on Saturday has taken a bit of wind out of my sails. At this point in the year I take a lot of self worth from running. I do not totally measure the worth of a day by the quality of a run but it definitely factors into how I feel about myself and the environment around me. At the moment I feel like everywhere I turn spring is blooming and people are in love. I cannot look out my window without seeing couples hugging and kissing and even making love (my neighbors do not use their curtains). I am surrounded by people in love and with partners. It is beautiful...

...but not when you are alone. Without being able to train hard I have time to think about being alone in this world. A friend of mine was sick over the past week and he had a comment about being single in such situations. It is when you are sick or indisposed in some way when you feel the most alone. Through my work I meet people everyday who are facing trauma and crisis. It makes a very big difference in their life when they are surrounded by those who love them. It is their spouse and children who provide the support to enable them to make it through the hardship of being ill. Those without support or a close family often take a long time to recover or rely on community supports as a type of distant uncaring service to fill the void of a family. What would happen to me if I were to become ill or sick? Who would take care of me if I fell of my bike and severely injured myself?

I have lots of friends who would visit me in hospital. My friends would find me equipment and lots of support but no one would be able to provide the type of support a spouse or significant other can. When you have your own family you do not have time to provide care to a friend. As I have come to believe I will never have a serious relationship I definitely do not see myself ever getting married. I am not about to adopt children on my own so that is out of the question too. When it comes right down to it I am going to have to be brave and on my own through out whatever struggles are coming my way in my life, and that is scary.

I am a bit terrified of the marathon, especially after this injury, but maybe the fear of failure in running is a way to avoid contemplating the fear of what life may hold for me. For all it's beauty, especially at this time of year, life is fraught with terror and struggle. Life is difficult and thus we need someone to hold onto to help us navigate through the turbulence and find our way peacefully to the end. Who am I going to hold on to?

"And I just want someone to lean on, and I just want someone to lean on me" Hey Rosetta!

Saturday: 7 miles
Sunday: 0 miles and Weights

Happy Training!

1 comment:

  1. Be careful with your injury and take it slow, you don't want it to become a recurring injury.

    Finding love is just like running a marathon, you keep nibbling at it until you can see the finish line. You have to keep thinking it's possible and staying open to the possibilities.. What ever happened to the smiling exercise? You're not the only single guy out there yearning for companionship!!!