After a series of 5 star days I have hit a weekend of 2 star days.
I will start with a training update. Running is not going well. Not that I have an injury or anything, although it may be a brain injury. I am still struggling with motivation to train. I am still loving running and look forward to my run everyday. I cannot seem to get fired up to run a workout and I have no desire to race. Normally I thrive on competition and racing, now I feel like the fire has fizzled. Somewhere the flame has been doused. Today I ran 6 miles on treadmill as I was not feeling the love for a long run. When on the treadmill at the gym I usually start at 6:30 pace, get bored, then ramp up the speed to as fast as it will go and run the last 5.5 miles. I sure love to be a tool and make everyone else look fat and slow. I also did some weights with a core workout. Strangely I am enjoying the weight program and I think I am starting to see results. The biggest difference I am seeing is the huge veins developing on my arms and I have become extra lean. I also have no appetite issues.
When it comes to weights I do not ever want to be a giant beefy mess. I like being lean and thin. I do not like the emaciated look I have been pushing for a while so I think a bit of muscle will be an asset. And I also noticed tonight at the gym that the only guy I thought was really attractive and made me feel funny was a skinny guy in plaid shorts and converse. There were many 'attractive' men in the gym tonight. I think it is weird that the one I was attracted to was skinny with a different haircut. **
I also think the euphoria of being flirted with and feeling attractive on New Years has finally worn off. I am impressed that it lasted 2 weeks considering the only real accomplishment was getting a guy's phone number. I am pleased to report that subsequent date with Mr. was nothing less then a complete awkward mess (I would not want to buck a trend). The only good aspect of the situation is that there is no follow up. Some how I need to learn to communicate with attractive gay strangers. Maybe there is an adaptive device I can fabricate somehow. Although conversations are always 2 ways and if he is stupid then there really is not anywhere to go. The moral of the story would be that looks might get you in the door but if you actually want to play with the toys you better have enough words to describe them.
The last reality check is leaving the world of half time work and going to the world of 80% work. I have a great opportunity that I am actually really excited for. The downside is that I do not get a day off a week anymore. It was wonderful while it lasted. I still have a reduced schedule which I love.
On the bright side I am trying to explore my gayness more. I have never been to a big gay pride festival before. I have a bunch of friends in Toronto and also a gay life coach who teaches me about some of the subtleties of gay sex in the city. I love Vancouver but I think for gay men Toronto is more exciting. I am thinking of heading East for some summer heat and excitement. This will be something to look forward too!
Sunday: 6 miles and weights/core
**I was going to post an image of a beefy man and then an image of a skinny (dandy) man but the beefy men made me feel bad and the Dandy man made me jealous.