Saturday, November 21, 2009

Fearless

I was just thinking, wouldn't it be nice if life was like today, then I realized it was.

My day started with an 'early for a Saturday' wake-up in preparation for the Fearless Project photo shoot. I ran over to Stanley Park for the photograph session at 9:00. I was met by Dean Nelson and Jeff Sheng at the initial site for the shoot but due to poor light conditions we moved to the Brockton Point Lighthouse to complete the shots. After warming up it was time to start. While I was running a mile or so Jeff and Dean set up the lighting on the crest of a hill with the Lions Gate Bridge in the background and the majestic, mist covered North Shore Mountains. When I was warmed up and Jeff was ready to go I pulled off my warm-ups and we began.

The actual shoot was pretty basic. While Jeff would adjust lighting or change film I would run to keep warm then go to a specific spot for the photographs. It was very cold with a pretty good rain shower starting half way through the shoot. I was wearing a small singlet and shorts which facilitated a mighty good chill. I basically looked at the camera, that was it. There were a few pointers (relax your hand, look at me, warm-up) but very minimal. I did not have to pose or do anything weird. It was quite quick as well which was a good thing because I was freezing.

Once the shoot was done we returned to the original meeting spot where we met a nice gentleman and a camera man to talk about the shoot. They asked me a few questions on camera (I believe I came across as a really dumb runner) then filmed me running a bit. By this time they were setting up the second shoot with a Mountain Biker. Overall this was a good experience and a way I can make a contribution to the gay community.

I have ranted on the blog on how I do not belong to the gay community, I do not identify with the community and do not really understand the community. That may have been born of over training or a few frustrating circumstances. What I have come to realize over the past couple of months is that I do belong to the gay community and live a 'gay' existence. I was asked a question today 'What is your favorite thing about being gay?' I could not think of anything. On my run home I was trying to think of one thing that made me happy to be gay. What I thought of is being different.

If I could answer that question again I think I would say something along the following lines.

"My favorite thing about being gay is that I can be different. I always wanted to be the same as everyone else, then when I came out I was different, I had a label. It has not always been easy to be the different one when everyone seemed to be the same. Even within the gay community I am different then everyone else. The thing about being different that is liberating is that I do not have to play by anyone's rules. I can wear a pink shirt and skinny jeans, I can fool around with anyone I want whenever I want, I can be an elite athlete and also be no one. I do not have to get married and have kids, I do not have to be responsible and I can spend all my money on me. There are very lonely aspects for me being gay but they make me stronger in some abstract way. Being gay has made me a better person, a stronger runner and a has taken a healthy chip out my shoulder. Being gay is my thing and it wears well. I could not imagine it any way else!"

I am feeling very rested and relaxed, well into my break. When I was running this morning I got the training bug back. I am going for a long run tomorrow to get the lungs cleared out and maintain some fitness. It has been a couple of weeks so it will feel nice.

Happy Training!

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