Thursday, October 1, 2009

Wanting It

It was just one of those days.

I was excited to head out to Mundy Park tonight to run my second workout with my new training group. I got out of work on time and got to the Zipcar parking lot just on time. I went up to the car and put my swipe card on the windshield to unlock the doors. Nothing happened. I then noticed that someone not only left a cushion on the driver's seat but also that there was garbage in the car and it was very dirty. Then I realized this was someone Else's car, not a Zipcar. I looked over my shoulder and saw the Hybrid that I booked. Rewind, I did not remember booking a Hybrid but still tried my luck and attempted to get into the car. The swipe spot said, "hold your card until a beep". Three minutes later there was no beep. I called Zipcar and it became apparent that I did not book a car. With no contingency plan in place, or the phone numbers of any of the people I am running with, I made a mad dash to catch the Canada Line home to e-mail Richard before he made his way to the park.

The Canada Line is lovely and a joy to ride. The train stopped at the City Centre Station and I tried to find the fastest way to Robson to catch a bus. Ten minutes later and after getting lost in 'The Bay', Pacific Centre, and Sears I finally hit Robson and got the bus home. By the time I got home I was very tired with a headache, dizziness and general level of frustration. What I wanted to do was crawl into a ball and cry. What I did instead was put on my blood soaked running flats (I did not mention this but my Tuesday workout resulted in some blisters) and do a workout on my own in Stanley Park.

Tonight I ran 5 times 1 km by myself at Beaver Lake. Going into this workout I was not in the best frame of mind. I was thinking of running 3 minutes flat for the first interval and then try to descend the workout. This did not happen. The whole workout was slow, very slow. I was able to descend the workout but it did not feel that good. I was very tired and every time I stopped a hard session my headache came back with a vengeance. Also, both my feet were sore and the blisters continued to bleed and cause pain. By the third interval I was getting upset with myself and was tightening up. It was at this point when I asked myself the question "do I want to do this?" My answer "yes!" I took a few seconds to relax and reflect on why I am running and then I was off. This was the beginning of salvaging the workout. My last interval was the fastest and was respectable. Although it was not of the quality I have been putting out the past few months, I have to realize that 2 years ago I never thought I would run a workout this fast, especially by myself while not feeling well. I was tired and hurting but I wanted to run fast and I want more personal bests. Today's workout is the one that really counts.

I ran a long cool down and by the time I got home I was physically and mentally exhausted. The combination of training, work and life in general is taking it's toll. This is the time when I really feel like I need someone intimate in my life. When I got home I felt like I needed to fall into the arms of someone strong who could hold me together, when I may not have been able to. I felt like I needed to be with someone who understands this so that I do not need to explain myself, my effort, my drive. I needed to be with someone who understands this choice and this love. This is something else I want. I am tired and hurting but this will not help my other want, it will go on.

I sit here exhausted but still excited to race in just over two weeks. I am looking forward to taper time. I got the final details of my trip to Toronto and I have plans to meet some friends and go out for some fun after the race. I may even stay downtown and hit the clubs Saturday night! It will be a welcome break and it serves as a wonderful goal and reward for all this hard work.

Saturday track workout, then one more long run...thank goodness!

Happy Training!

1 comment:

  1. Slow days are not that bad once in a while. Props to you for getting out there anyways and completing a workout.

    I feel your pain for your needs and desire and hope that you do find someone that appreciate your commitment to the sport.