Thursday, May 21, 2009

Want To Go

Tonight was VFAC night in Stanley Park. The weather perfect, great running partners, good coach, great atmosphere, disappointing run. I am getting frustrated. Tonight's workout was 2 times 1 mile and 5/8ths or something like that. I was a little nervous for this workout as I was very tired today. Cycling to and from work was a bit of a chore and while at work I was told numerous times that I looked 'very tired'. I should note that I work in a hospital, it is hard to look bad enough to get a comment when one works with sick people and physicians post call. I must have looked like death. Upon arriving home from work I had my pre-run snack then could not resist checking my bed to make sure it was as soft as when I begrudgingly left it this morning. 45 minutes later I woke up, a little groggy but ready to head out for a good workout.

After our warm-up I was given my pace time from John and I was ready to go, ready to get back to business and run hard. The first interval was controlled and felt slightly slower then pace time. I did not want to blow up on this workout and have a positive split. I recovered quickly from the first interval and was ready to hammer a hard second effort. I went as hard as I could on the second interval and felt I was running well, and then the wheels came off. The last km of this loop is up hill. By the time I was 1/4 into the last km I was wishing for a bolt of lightening to take me out of my misery. There was no positive self talk, a weak effort at imagining Ziak or Day between me and the finish line and pain. My hip flexors were saying NO, the quads were saying NO, my feet were screaming NO and my brain was oxygen starved and barely keeping up. I finished the interval thinking I had run pace time, I did not, not close, again.

I am frustrated. For the first time in a while I am discouraged. After finishing the workout I wanted to go off and be alone, get away from everything and have a good hard cry (FYI I don't cry, only on exceptional occasions of great joy or sorrow). I want to be running fast again. I want to go to a workout and suffer and have the splits to back up the effort. I want to hurt but feel like I am flying. So how to approach this? If I look at the workout itself I negative split by around four seconds. Good, that is a positive. I have run more mileage this week then I have in a few months and I am also at my longest tempo. Good, that is a positive. I fought through the pain and still negative split. Good, that is a positive. I was in Stanley Park on a perfect night, with great friends and club mates, a great coach and was running shirtless with a six pack. Good, that is a positive. I was running. Good, good, good. I missed my times. Bad. Seven 'goods' to one 'bad' is an appropriate reality check.

I am very much looking forward to a good sleep tonight and Friday at last. I also have a massage tomorrow. It is difficult to express how much I am looking forward to my massage. My whole body is craving a good manipulation. My back aches, my legs are tired, my rhomboids have been throbbing since lunch and even my masseters were seizing up while eating supper. Tomorrow is also a day off of training. I want to run tomorrow, which is a good sign that I am mentally into the training. It will be nice to have the day to 'rest' (I still have to work).

Happy Training!

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